Oxy Moron, Contributor

After my puerile and shameful behaviour, I apologised and retreated to my small corner where I belong, doing some soul-searching, and watching Beyoncé's Single Ladies video, day and night. I even cancelled my tour with Lady Gaga. Man, I am feeling so bad, I could call Jesus on the phone just now. The last time I felt this bad was moments after I was born. I discovered that I had no wings, as was promised to me in my previous life.

Then, out of the blue, it was announced that the president won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. Just like the rest of the world, I was shocked. But I was also furious. It's like Usain Bolt getting that honour down there in Jamaica. It should have gone to Tyson Gay!

Prestigious award

What did the president do to deserve such a prestigious award? Less than a year in office, and no significant contribution to world peace he has made. He spent the first couple of months in his presidency searching for a dog for his daughters, making late-night appearances on TV, and pursuing Somali pirates.

I rather the prize had gone posthumously to Saddam Hussein, or to the Talibans, or even to me. Where was Obama when I was onstage fighting for Beyoncé's right? Where was he? Taylor Swift could have clout me in my bald pate with that moon-man trophy, yet I was overlooked!

And, as the world seemed to be recovering from the shock, word was out that Obama won the laureate because of the 'Beer Summit' with the white police officer and the black professor. That makes it even more painful. Upon hearing of my valiant effort to appease Beyoncé, the president called me a jackass. He did not invite me to the White House to have beer with Taylor Swift. Then, he sat idly by and let the LUNA(R)TICS from NASA bomb the Moon, twice! Talking about searching for ice. Dah! Sarah Palin has a lot in Alaska. What is wrong with them? There is no water on the Moon, even I know that.

Introspection

As for how I'm feeling right now, that's where I want to be. But, I might just get bombed. I feel so out of place on Earth. I mean, I'm the voice of my generation and nobody appreciates it, but everybody seems to be calling me names because I had the guts to call a spade a spade. Obama getting that prize is a travesty, and if he has any iota of pride he should not accept it. Now, I'm off to an ashram in India to do some introspection. Man, I'm in a bad way. And the president is not helping at all!

oxydmoron@gleanerjm.com