Jamaica Gleaner
Published: Tuesday | October 13, 2009
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Dear Counsellor - Why did he dump me?

Q: I was in a relationship with this handsome guy for the last three months. We are professionals and attended to university. He is 35 years old and I am 30. We saw each other often. We went to several hotels for weekends and the sex was great. He met my parents and I was hoping to meet his. I was sure it would lead to marriage. But suddenly, he dumped me without much of a reason. Why did he dump me? Was he afraid of commitment?

A: It is not unreasonable to expect if your boyfriend is terminating the relationship, he would give a reason.

If you knew the reason(s), perhaps you will not make the same mistakes in your other relationships.

Not a boring relationship

From what you said, it was not a boring relationship and you were excited. Nevertheless, there are some men who continuously want more thrills to avoid boredom. Perhaps he may have found someone who he believes can give him more excitement. In a relationship persons need to understand that it cannot be a continuous high. There needs to be serious moments and reflective time to allow both persons to get to know each other better and to see how the other person reacts in different situations.

Your relationship appears to have done much in a short time. As the dictum states, "Love me little, love me long; hasty love will soon depart".

It may have been too soon to be exclusive - having sex and meeting your parents. A relationship needs time to develop a solid foundation.

You hinted he could be afraid of commitment. At age 35, you would expect him to be mature enough to want to settle down. However, it could be a simple thing as wanting more space to engage in other activities or wanting more time to explore other options. And, there are guys who are afraid of marriage. The fact that he may have not taken you to meet his parents was a sign that he was not serious about the relationship.

Can't be monogamous

Some guys break up because they do not feel that they can be monogamous.

Maybe it could be he did not like your parents, or he believed a rumour about you, or he had a bad gut feeling about you, or there is a personality trait of yours he dislikes. However, do not waste too much sleep over him.

However, you are still young and there is time for Mr Right to come along. Do not engage in self-pity or get desperate at the next guy who calls to you. Instead, in your next relationship take time to know him.

Need to contact the counsellor? Email: editor@gleanerjm.com.

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