POSITIVE Parenting

Our society (or, at least, the part of it that the vast majority of the population lives in) is incredibly, well-nigh ineffably coarse. And this is not limited to the poor, but also permeates the more well-off among us.

In fact, I have found that persons who survive at the lower-economic strata often have more innate dignity, class and that timeless quality called good breeding than those who suddenly find themselves (gasp!) at what they consider the pinnacle of existence - behind the wheel of an SUV or able to sign-off their email with a manager's title.

And, as parents who are concerned about such things (and I know that many are not, but I trust that if you have enough interest to read this section of the newspaper you are not one of the 'don' cya'), the question always arises - how do you shield your children from the coarseness? How do you create a gentle environment in which they are allowed to grow gradually, instead of being pushed into adult matters years ahead of when they are ready?

Creating balance

And how do we balance creating a cocoon to protect our children and not making it a closet that figuratively stifles them?

So you are at a gas station or a stoplight and a man is blasting the most graphic sex song from his car, looking around with this expression that is a combination of sullen and smug, checking the reaction that his music is provoking. He is happy when you wind up your window to keep your children from hearing the obscenities in the music escaping from his vehicle. He has had an effect.

You are on a mall and a bunch of uptown kids is in the parking lot, being loud and rowdy and splashing curse words around like a mighty flood. You duck with your children into the nearest store and they look satisfied. They have had an effect.

From the near-naked dressing on the streets to the near-worshipping of money in our society, crudeness and an affinity for gutter-living (and this also includes the most expensive housing development) is all around us, with you trying to grow up your children in the middle of the decadent maelstrom.

There is something else to consider. In attempting to create a peaceful atmosphere for our children, we still don't want to go into snobbery, as that itself teaches them their place in the pecking order dictated by another variety of crudeness.

I protect the ears of my children as much as possible and, fortunately, do not live within toilet-flushing earshot of anyone, much less someone who is determined to enforce their nastiness on everybody around them in the name of 'reality'. But on the streets, and in school, and in church, some of it always leaks in.

I have not resolved the 'cocoon-or-closet' dilemma yet though; I have long determined that, even in a society such as ours, with both parents pulling in the same direction, it is possible to live above the coarseness without being a snob.