Jamaica Gleaner News - DOCTOR'S ADVICE - To swing or not to swing! - Sunday

Q. Doc, my husband and I are highly sexed persons. We have been married for 12 years and we have had a good physical relationship.
I had a brief fling about four years ago but that is now over. My husband does not know about it and I do not think he has been unfaithful.
The problem is that in the last six months, we have been talking about 'livening things up'. We have tried a few new games in the bedroom, which have been OK.
But what we have done has not really been enough for my husband. He wants to try MORE things and have 'more excitement'.
He has become fascinated by the idea that we start 'swinging'. He says he has read that a lot of married couples do it and that it's a lot of fun. My husband is trying to persuade me to find swingers on the Internet.
We have a nice, spacious home and no children, so he says it would be easy to invite another attractive couple over, have a few drinks and a meal and see how things go.
He is excited about having sex with another man's wife and excited by the thought of me having sex with her husband.
After that, well, who knows? He has encouraged me to fantasise about him and another man making love to me at the same time. Honestly, I am slightly worried by the fact that these images do turn me on.
But the truth is I am not as keen on this swinging plan as my husband is. Although it is very tempting, I feel it may lead to trouble.

I can't understand why he has suddenly become so enthusiastic about it. Do you think it is because he no longer fancies me or believes that I am losing my good looks?

A. I don't feel that there is any credit to your final concern. If a husband thinks that his wife has become unattractive, he is not likely to start involving her in thoughts of foursomes.

I am sure that your husband still thinks that you are very attractive Over the years, I have seen dozens of couples who got into swinging. In every case, it was the husband who proposed the idea. Generally speaking, the wives have been much less keen. Often, they try it once or twice and then tell their husbands that they will not continue.

I have four main reasons why I think your husband has suggested it.

Deep down, he really wants to end the marriage; something in his subconscious mind suggests to him that swinging might be a way of gradually bringing the marital relationship to a close.

He is rather bored with monogamous sex and thinks that this will be a good way to commit adultery - but with his wife's permission.

In a few cases the husband is very proud of his wife's body, and her sexual ability, and wants to show her off to other people.

Occasionally, the husband already has a secret lover, and he thinks that recruiting her and her husband, as part of a foursome, will make it a lot easier to have regular sex with her.

Now I think you must decide which of these categories might apply to your husband! I would suggest that you discuss his motives carefully with him.

However, I urge you NOT to let him rush you into swinging? As I have pointed out in this column before, there are dangers in wife swapping, threesomes, etc.

You could easily end up with a sexual infection or an unwanted pregnancy or with problems over jealousy. It is perfectly possible that this orgy-style sexual activity could ruin your marriage. You could fall in love with one of the other swingers. I think it would be better for your marriage if you got counselling rather than swinging.

Q. I recently got married to a 44-year-old woman and discovered that she does not have orgasms. Is there any hope that she might learn to do so, despite her age?

A. Certainly! Many women learn to discharge after the age of 40. You can get some good ideas by googling 'female orgasms. I wish you both well.

Q I think that my husband smoking near to the children is bad for them. Am I right?

A. Yes. Children of parents who smoke are more likely to get asthma, bronchitis and respiratory infections.

Q. I have been told by friends that there is a natural method of curing gonorrhoea, without being treated by a doctor. Is that true?

A. No, that is false. All sorts of crazy stories exist about how to treat gonorrhoea ('the clap'). But the only way to have it cured, is to go to a doc for an examination and tests, and then take a course of the right antibiotics.

Q. Doc, I am 55-year-old woman. It has been 20 years since my husband passed away. I have fallen in love with a new man and we want to get married. But sadly, we have not yet been able to have intercourse as my vagina seems to be very dry and sore. Why is this?

A. Fear not ! This is probably due to a lack of presence of female hormones, and it can be cured. Please see a doctor who will give you a detailed examination and then prescribe some female hormone cream, which should soon get you back to normal. Good luck with your new relationship.