But before those affairs, something else happened when I was in college. I became very good friends with a Canadian girl, as, like me, she was far from home, and lonely. We would study and go to the movies and theatre together. We shared a large room and there were nights when she was feeling low and would creep into my bed. We mostly huddled together for warmth.

Sometimes we kissed each other on the neck, shoulders and breasts, but never on the lips. The relationship was mostly a case of falling asleep in each other's arms.

However, there were a few nights when things went further, and we stroked each other through our night gowns. On at least one occasion, I had an orgasm and I think she did also (from what I can remember).

When I came home to Jamaica, all was forgotten. I completely lost contact with her and I have heard that she is now married and has children.

So here I am, years later, preparing for my wedding. But I am worried about a few things doctor. Does what I did in college make me a lesbian?

In fact, what constitutes lesbianism? Is there an actual definition of what lesbianism is? What do lesbians actually DO in bed? I have never been clear about that and I am of the impression that it involves sex devices which are meant to substitute for the male organ? Finally, should I go ahead with the wedding?

A. Well, you have obviously been worried about this. My guess is that what happened in college was around 12 years ago. I must tell you that sex researchers have long known that when young women go away to college, and are lonely, there is an increased chance that they will engage in some form of girl-girl activity, mainly as a way of seeking comfort.

Some experts have suggested that around 20 per cent of female students who leave home (that is, one in five) have engaged in those activities. But most of these young women subsequently adopt heterosexual lifestyles, and in many cases got married and had children.

So to answer your first question, I don't think there is any proof that you are a lesbian. But it would be fair to say that maybe, like a lot of women, you have had lesbian tendencies in the past.

As it relates to the definition of lesbianism, most dictionaries just define it as a 'sexual attraction or activity between women'.

Personally, I would not regard what happened between you and your friend in college, actual lesbianism. It is noteworthy that you never kissed on the lips. For many persons, kissing on the lips is one of the most intimate and important forms of sexual contact.

I would interpret that as meaning that this was NOT a very lesbian form of relationship. Maybe it was more a sort of cuddling between two lonely female friends.

Your curiosity about what lesbians actually DO in bed suggests to me that your interest in female-female sex activity has not been entirely extinguished.

People think that lesbians make much use of dildos. However, the fact is that although such devices are employed, they are not of much concern to most lesbians.

But simple vibrators are often used. So in reality, engage in kissing on the lips, breasts and genital area. They almost invariably practise genital stroking and caressing with the fingers, especially on the clitoris. Some of them indulge in tribadism or scissoring, in which the two vulvas (i.e. external genitalia) are pressed together.

I am of the impression that your interest in lesbianism has not been fully extinguished. For that reason, I do not think you should rush ahead with your wedding; it might be disastrous. Instead, I think that you should see a counsellor or psychotherapist urgently. Spend a few sessions exploring your feelings, and see if you really do want to get married to this man. After all, you have said nothing at all about loving him or desiring him! It would be unfair to him if you both got married and you were not interested in having sex with him, but rather have a heavy baggage of interest in other women. I wish you both luck.

Q. I am considering marrying a 40-year-old woman. Will she be able to have children?

A. She probably will, especially if she still has her monthly menstrual cycle. But fertility at 40 is much less than fertility at 20 or 30.

A. No. The idea that a guy can somehow wear himself out and then become unable to have children is totally not true. However, you may have contracted a sexually transmitted infection by the activities that you engaged in. That could make you sterile. If you have any doubts, please see a doctor and have some tests done.

A. It sounds like you are having panic attacks. I think you should have your heart and lungs checked by a doctor. You might also need to do an ECG, which is the electrical test done on the heart.

A. Rectal sex is a very efficient way of transmitting HIV. I think having a blood test would be a wise precaution.