Intro:

Caan believe she run him

down again star

... a wha happen to some

wortless man

Chorus:

She do it again

She beat him

Yuh nuh see di boy gyal ah

illtreat him

Again she defeat him

Dem a fight fi di cream fi

di bleachin

Once again she beat him

Him go out with him

friends

and affi sneak in

(She Beat Him, Mavado)

Physical violence against men, in general, and moreso in Jamaica, is often greeted with great scepticism, triggering jeers from both genders. When one hears about violence between a man and a woman, it is almost automatic that the female is presumed to be the victim and when the opposite is found to be true, the male is described in terms associated with weakness, and questions are raised about his manhood.

The fact is, while the issue of women abusing men isn't necessarily a hot topic, it happens, perhaps far more often than the number of rare occasions it comes to light. According to Angela Daniels of Family Life Ministries, men are less willing to talk about these things out of embarrassment, especially due to societal pressures and expectations associated with gender. "It is a fact that some men within our society experience domestic violence. However, rarely do they reveal this kind of information as their egos inhibits such revelation."

Embarrassing

She continues, "Men who are physically abused, in most cases, find it embarrassing to share this information as they usually feel less manly, and are ashamed. They take the view that they don't want to burden persons, they are men, and they need to solve their own problems. Men tend to internalise their issues which is an unhealthy practice."

Months ago, international stars, Chris Brown and Rihanna made headlines after they were involved in a domestic altercation which became physical. Rihanna came out as the victim with severe bruises and scars inflicted by her then boyfriend. Many pitied Rihanna and expressed shock and disgust at Brown's behaviour of having hit her, especially so severely. The argument is said to have been started over an alleged affair Brown was having with another woman.

Fast forward to the recent reports that have circulated about famed golfer, Tiger Woods, having crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree close to his house. Investigations indicated that he and his wife got into a fight and she allegedly assaulted him. The fight was once again over a suspected affair. Rihanna's received many sympathisers; however, Wood's encounter had a slightly different end. Many people simply cannot get past the fact that he was abused by his wife, that he allowed her to assault him in such a manner. A few are praising him for not hitting back.

According to Daniels, culture and socialisation are responsible for reactions to domestic abuse, moreso when the man is the victim. "Our culture teaches that the man must be strong and take charge. Unfortunately, the behavioural response to this statement seems to suggest that men are emotionless beings, which is far from the truth. In fact, I do believe that men sometimes hurt more intensely than women; but because of socialisation, they learn that it isn't manly to demonstrate that they are hurting, hence the internalisation."

Psychotherapy

She recommends psychotherapy treatment for them to deal with this kind of abuse which tends to leave emotional scars.

Clinical Psychologist, Dr Michele Lewin also recommends counselling as the first step in dealing with physical domestic abuse. This, she says, will serve as an outlet for men to speak about the issue without reservations. "Seeing a counsellor is confidential. Because of the stigma associated with men being abused by women, you will find that they aren't even ready to make a formal report. So they will have to deal with the emotional side, which is what counselling is for."

She notes that after counselling, many of her male clients had reached the point where they could report and press charges against their partners.

latoya.grindley@gleanerjm.

What would you do if your woman beat you?

Men are sometimes victims of their own machismo.

"No self-respecting man would be with a woman who abuses him," you are bound to hear someone say. So Flair pretty much figured what we would hear from the men on the issue of women physically abusing men. Here are just a few of the things the blokes said.

What would you do if your wife/girlfriend hit you?

I woulda lick har back. Mi nuh tek lick from nobaddy. And if she raise har hand, mi lick har back first!

I don't believe in hitting women unless it's in self-defence. If she looks like she's trying to kill me, I have no choice. Knock her out if necessary.

At no point would there be any violence from me. If it's an argument I would walk away, get calm and then re-approach the situation.

If she just hit me out of the blue, I would try to find out what I did to deserve it.

Okay, pretty predictable stuff from the first two, but the other two good ol' pacifists mean we're not all cavemen. But what if she does it more than once, constantly smacking you around like Ike used to hit Tina, except this time, you're Tina. Do you stay with her?

If it's my house or apartment, she gots to go! Police escort if necessary! Restraining order after that, the whole thing!

There would be no act of violence from me. I would try to subdue/restrain her and find out what's the problem.

Just like how people woulda waan mi fi go si docta, she woulda haffi go! Til' she sort out harself, mi caan deal wid dat!