Neita
THE PRESS Association of Jamaica's (PAJ) celebrations from November 29 to December 5 would no doubt have generated the usual vigorous and entertaining exchange of stories and experiences harking back to the era when The Gleaner ruled the roost as "the old lady of Harbour Street".
PAJ veterans will correct me if I am wrong, but from regular research into some of Jamaica's newspaper archives, it seems to me that media stories in the earlier days were written with a certain flourish and a distinctively different descriptive and colourful prose than as practised today.
Reading some old newspaper clippings recently, I was reminded that never mind the professional coverage and instant replay of today's news stories, those earlier writers managed to cover a wide range of angles from the burlesque to the staid, punctuated by the oftentimes ribald com-ments from the very involved eyewitnesses.
Hilarious story
Take, for example, this hilarious account headlined 'Cop in chase runs into river', which appeared in The STAR some time in the late 1960s.
The names are changed to protect the innocent, but it appears that a young policeman, a Constable Haughton, patrolling along the banks of Barnett River in Montego Bay one Saturday evening, heard a man using indecent language and attempted to arrest him.
The man started to run and the policeman gave chase, shouting between strides and in proper regulation terminology, "Stop, run or I will shoot you".
The account goes on blithely to say that the policeman would not give up, so the fleet-footed fugitive ducks around a small building on the edge of the river bank.
Then comes the climactic moment, accompanied by dramatic background music and the stark announcement that "Constable Haughton, not being acquainted with the area", had sprinted straight into the river.
As we hold our sides laughing, we are told in the next paragraph that "commuters journeying home from the market tarried long enough to enjoy the spectacle of the rookie's predicament, but offered no assistance".
Fortunately, the story ends well, as Constable Haughton is rescued by another policeman, losing only his cap in the incident.
Similar to hollywood
Another newspaper story from that period highlights the dilemma of a young Romeo, who, accompanied by a female companion, drives his car at 3 a.m. to a popular trysting place where the same Barnett River "provides a kind of wishing well for lovemaking" (oh the days of innocence).
We are told that while in the car "basking in the balmy breeze", the couple is pounced upon by five men.
The unwelcome visitors proceed to rob the couple and then start to remove the motorist's pants when there comes a sudden JPS blackout.
Could Hollywood do any better than this? As I hold on to my seat in the theatre, the motorist starts to wrestle with the men while his female companion, un-dressed, darts away calling stridently for "tief, tief, murder, murder, police, police", in that order.
The gang leader orders his colleagues to shoot the motorist, a shot is fired in the air, and the frightened driver pulls himself out of his pants and jumps into the river which, according to the journalist, "is in spate at the time".
It just doesn't stop there. The drama continues, as our hero swims across the river to a cane field, drags himself up unto the bank, and then, mercy of mercies, finds himself looking straight into "the business end of the property watchman's shot gun".
He manages to explain himself to the understanding 'watchie' who allows him to escape.
The tale ends there, but it takes several stiff drinks for both the reader and the motorist to recover.
To paraphrase a byline from the old TV drama The Naked City, there are a million stories alongside the banks of the River Barnett. Thanks to our intrepid newspaper reporter, we get the feeling that we have just been through one. More to come.
Lance Neita is a freelance writer who can be contacted at lanceneita@hotmail.com.