If you think Salt Mackerel was upset about the pronouncement that Salt Fish allegedly made about it, think again. While the war of words was going on, Salt Pork was in the wings listening. It listened and it listened and, until now, it has not heard its name mentioned. So it is forced to give its two-cents' worth.

It can't imagine that Salt Fish and Salt Mackerel, two imported aliens, are hogging so much of the spotlight and Salt Pork, being a real home-grown Jamaican breed, is totally left out of the debate. This is just a continuation of the discrimination the pig has been facing since time immemorial, and nobody is jumping to its defence.

Salt Pork is at its wits' end to understand why so much liberty is taken with it, it being a source of much gastronomic delights for so many people who find it irresistible and cannot go on without it. It is more versatile than either fish, more flavourful, no doubt. Its tantalising aroma is second to none, converting its staunchest opponents into non-repentant pork-eaters.

What then is the basis of the eternal campaign to remove it from people's diet? Forget that unclean designation that people are attributing to a certain book. Nonsense, it's saying. The Creator did not make any unclean animals. Moreover Salt Pork has never poisoned anyone or given him any incurable disease. Its only guilt is that of bringing sheer palatal joy to its eaters, and it will not stop.

So, Salt Pork is still hopeful, because it knows that one sweet day it will overcome all those who are pretending not to be in love with it and playing hard to get. It is happy to say that many of those who claim they don't eat pork are liars and if you should tear their guts apart you will find remnants of its well-chewed flesh within. Only time will tell!

At the end of the day, Salt Pork doesn't care a damn about Salt Fish and Salt Mackerel and it agrees with senators Jack and Jill. Yes, Salt Fish and Salt Mackerel must stay up there in the cold waters of the North where they can cuss and fight for as long as they want and leave Jamaica land in order. Too much bad blood is already washing the country. So to Hell with Salt Mackerel and Salt Fish, and their fishy odour.

And, oh, as for that tough, bony taste-bad fish called Grunt, Salt Pork is asking it to have its name changed. A fish cannot grunt!

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