Q. I am a 26-year-old mother of two young girls, a five-year-old and a one-year-old. I love my daughters dearly and they have been one of the reasons why I stayed so long in my marriage. My husband and I are childhood sweethearts and have been together for 13 years. He is 29 years old. I am very depressed and unhappy and my five-year-old has been asking certain questions. I am in the process of separating from my husband as I need to be happy so I can portray this to my children. The girls adore their father and I have no doubt he loves them. We just can't get along because he is very jealous and disrespectful. We curse constantly because of his accusations. How do I explain to my daughters, especially my five-year-old, that we will be living without their daddy? She will be going to a new school and living in a different parish. This is not his wish but I am tired of his promises to change as I am now suffering from depression. I can support my daughters as I have a job.
A. You need to be honest with your daughter but do not give her details. Let her know that Mommy and Daddy are not getting along right now and that Daddy and Mommy will not be living in the same place. If you do move, ensure that while you are not at home there is adequate childcare available for the children. Make sure that they keep in touch with their father regularly. You need to to get help for the depression you are experiencing. If your husband will go to counselling let me know where you are so I can refer you to a counsellor close to you.
Q. I have an 11-year-old son who I think has a problem. He doesn't read or spell well. He also has a problem comprehending. He has a smaller sister who is much more advanced than he is. She is able to spell and do work that he can't. I have noticed the problem before now and tried getting help from his teachers or even asking them to recommend where I can get help, but all they do is say he talks too much and that's it. He has GSAT in a a few months which he has to do because I held him back a year. I don't think he is ready but I'm confused. Please tell me what to do.
A. You need to get your son tested right away. Contact the guidance counsellor at your child's school and ask where your child can be tested. You may also contact Mico Care Centre in Kingston or Vista Counselling and Assessment Services in Mandeville at 382-7034. The Ministry of Education gives special provisions for children with learning problems who sit the GSAT exam. Call the Guidance and Counselling Unit at the ministry and they will tell you what you will need to do.
Q. I am learning that many of the tests that we use in Jamaica for children are not very good. What can we use to test children?
A. Many academic and intelligence tests that psychologists use have been made in the United States of America. Many of the tests have got better over the years and so the cultural problems with the tests are becoming less and less. The Mico Care Centre has developed an excellent reading test that is based on the Caribbean culture and our children can relate to all of the items on the test. Because there are cultural problems with many tests, some psychologists do not use tests that may cause children not to show their true potential. You can ask the psychologist about the test or tests that will be used to test your child and he or she will explain to you the positive and negatives issues relating to the tests they plan to administer.
Orlean Brown Earle, PhD, is a child psychologist and family therapist. Dr Brown Earle works with children with learning and behaviour problems throughout the island and in the Caribbean. Email questions to helpline@gleanerjm.com or send to Ask the Doc, c/o The Gleaner Company, 7 North Street, Kingston.